Lessons from the alley

It's Saturday morning and I'm at work. A few months ago I left my job at the Dream Center so I could write my next book. I asked God to move me to a place where I had time to write and still had a paycheck. I currently manage a self-storage facility. Some days I think I can hear God laughing.

Seriously though, it's been a great learning experience. I recently finished the second (or maybe third?) draft of my manuscript and now I'm in the excruciating season of query letters, endorsements and book proposals. It's odd, but it seems like its easier to write an entire book than to write a 5-page paper about the book. Nevertheless, we forge on.

I've never done well with time spent in solitude. I tell people that my mind is like a dark alley; I should never go there alone. Over the past three or four months I've spent a lot of time in the alley. Some days have been really rough, but for the most part it has been an interesting time. God has been working out some things; things that I didn't necessarily know were there. Here's a little insight on what I've been learning:

1. Alleys are dark for a reason. Darkness not only hides a lot of stuff, it intimidates as well. One of the reasons I've spent a great deal of energy avoiding my mind is that I wasn't quite sure what I would find there. I've battled with a number of significant issues over the years and, although God has faithfully carried me through all of them, I suspect that some of the skeletons still clatter around in the alley. Sometimes it's easier to avoid an area than to try to clean it up.

2. Alleys typically smell bad. Many of the alleys that I've wandered down are lined with dumpsters; a type of socially acceptable trash heap. Most of the time, if something stinks, it's because it's old and dead. My mind has a few dumpsters in it; containers (memories) filled with other people's trash that has collected in my head. Most of the issues (and some of the people) are long-since dead, but they live on in my head, usually to my own demise. For much of my life I have believed that it was me that stunk. Upon closer investigation, I realized that most of the garbage isn't even mine. I somehow granted access to my dumpster for other people's junk. Granted, I still have lots of thoughts and habits that I'm working on getting cleaned up, but for the most part, my life is more sanitized than it's ever been.

3. Sometimes people throw stuff in the alley that doesn't belong. There are things in my life that I will carry because they are mine to bear, but not everything in my head belongs to me. Before I started this mental dumpster-diving excursion, I just accepted all of the junk as my own. I don't know if it's been through the writing of my latest book or the fifty hours a week I spend alone, but I have come to realize that a bunch of this stinky mess isn't even mine. Part of my journey has been releasing the junk back to it's rightful owners.

4. We can police the use of our dumpster. I don't have to let other people's junk fill up my alley. I was raised in a lot of confusion which led to some unhealthy behaviors like codependency and people-pleasing. For much of my life I thought that I was responsible for whatever happened to land in my life. I have come to realize that I really get to decide how much ownership I will take in in any given situation. I've found a lot of freedom in that.

5. We can empty the dumpster whenever we need to. When Jesus Christ died on the cross, He made a way for me to have a clean slate anytime I needed it. The bible says that when we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That means, the trash that is rightfully ours, can be removed every time we repent. But what about the trash that other people heap into our lives? I believe the answer to that is forgiveness. As we release the people into God's hands and let Him deal with their trash, they no longer have access to our hearts and minds. Unforgiveness is a prop that holds the door wide open for resentment and bitterness. If you're holding the lid open, don't be surprised when people throw their trash in.

6. It's up to us to keep our alley clean. Once the trash man (God) cleans up our mess, it's our responsibility to keep it clean. The word 'repent' means to turn away from. When Jesus forgave the woman who was caught in adultery He told her, "Go now and leave your life of sin." He forgave her, but He also gave her instructions on how to continue on with her life. If we are serious about asking God to clean up our lives, we have to be serious about 'turning away from' our sin. For me, I had to enlist some help for that. I had to allow people into my life to hold me accountable, and then I had to be honest with them. Here's a free tip: accountability is not telling someone what you've already done; it's asking them if it's a good idea before you do it. Accountability has saved my walk with God. It's humbling, often embarrassing, and sometimes downright scary. And it will only work to the level of honest effort you put into it.

I have had ample opportunity in the past several months to work on my 'clean up Donna's alley' project. I haven't liked a lot of what I've found, but God has been with me every step of the way. I probably still wouldn't choose to have a picnic in my alley, but some of the stench has been removed and there's more room to move around. Progress, not perfection.

What's going on in your alley? Are you living the life God intended or are you holding a hankie over your nose hoping you don't throw up? Either way, God will meet you where you're at. I encourage you to take some time and investigate your personal alley. Shine the light of God's love and mercy over your dumpster. Forgive other people. Forgive yourself. And then, leave your life of sin. You don't have to keep the junk. Jesus is standing, arms open wide, waiting to receive you and your mess.

All thanks and glory to God.